STUPID SPAM I

If you're like me, you get a lot of spam. A lot. A very good percentage more spam than you get actual mail you'd really want. I have no idea who decided at some point that a great marketing idea would be to piss off all of your potential customers by inundating them with crap they don't want, but if he still has his job then I commend his resiliency. Most of the time I just try to ignore all that spam, but the problem is that every once in a while some message I actually want gets filtered out as spam, so I have to look in there occasionally just to make sure. I've thought about not doing that, but frankly that one message could be a solid chunk of the real mail I get, so I continue to look. While I'm in there, I often find myself amused by the subject headers of the spam, so I thought it might be fun to share with you some of the best ones I've gotten recently along with my own commentary on them. Keep in mind, these are all from the last two days. I'll consider this the first installment, as clearly there will always be more spam to review later. You'll notice that I've titled this piece with a roman numeral, because I fully expect anticipation for future Stupid Spam installments to reach Super Bowl levels of excitement. If you have any great spam you'd like to contribute or comment on yourself, feel free to send it along to me and I will post it in the next edition along with a proper credit. Unless it sucks, in which case I will shame and humiliate you in public. So without further ado about nothing:

Start managing your carbs today*
Great. So now apparently everyone has heard about my unruly carbs.

Get the washer and dryer of your dreams.
Finally! As a young boy, I used to hang posters in my room of the Maytag Spinmaster 5000 with dual exhausts. I never thought this day would come...

Re: Shy Jsesica Simospn sotlen pothos
Re? I must have forgotten sending that message.

I love tou.
I love tou, yoo.

Just virrgin and have Innoccent angels from card Your dreamm
Your guess is as good as mine...

Need up to 1500 USD today? Christian cash assistance is here-->
Didn't Jesus throw the money changers out of the temple? I like the arrow at the end, though. Apparently they think that will convince me that they're actually standing off to my right.

Do your remember our school time?
No, I'm sorry "Tanisha," but I don't recall you.

The 30 Second Instant Approval Visa Card
Well, which is it?

did you get my message?
You mean this one?

Need to scan a barcode? Consider a handheld scanner for convenience and price.
Constantly. Ask my friends, I'm always looking for a way to organize my barcode collection.

uranus trip!
Sounds like fun!

Get your share of a government surplus
I'm afraid you're gonna need a time machine for that.

Find out why these virgins love sex so much!
Um... How would they know?